Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
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