What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
The sun is just a big space heater.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
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