I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
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