Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
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