Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
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