Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Ah! The element of surprise.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
The sun is just a big space heater.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
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