Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
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