My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
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