If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
Go to BabaMail
