What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
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