I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
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