What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
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