A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
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