What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Go to BabaMail
