What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
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