What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
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