The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
To get to the other tide.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
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