Ah! The element of surprise.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
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