People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What is the study of real estate? Homology
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
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