What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
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