Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
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