When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
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