Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Biology - It grows on you.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
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