Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
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