Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
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