What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
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