Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Biology - It grows on you.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
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