If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
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