Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
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