What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
To get to the other tide.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
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