What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
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