Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
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