What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
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