Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
The superconductor left without resistance.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
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