Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
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