What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
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