How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
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