After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
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