Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
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