What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
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