The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
You mermake me happy.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
You mermaid to go far.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Don't fork-get your manners.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
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