I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Don't fork-get your manners.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Seas the day!
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
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