What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
We were mermaid for each other.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
You seem a little mer-mad.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Fairies just spell trouble.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
You really mermaid my day.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
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