What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
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