Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
We were mermaid for each other.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Fishing you a happy day.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
You seem a little mer-mad.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Shell-abrate the good times!
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Fairies just spell trouble.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
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