What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
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