Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
I think you're mer-mazing.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Shell-abrate the good times!
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
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