What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
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