Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
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