What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
- It’s going to be a Nessie job, but let’s get Kraken!
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
Witch you were here.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
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