Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
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