What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
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