What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
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