What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one. So I told her,
"Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
I have a spouse in a different nation.
The Imagination.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend but he kept asking her for another shot.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
I found out my wife is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
Go to BabaMail
