Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry puns×¥
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
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